Sunday, August 4, 2013

Little updates of baby Kaelin and US.

OMG I can't believe how times flies! my last post was in January? sigh.. babies really made my days shorter.
I was packing Kaelin's clothes the other day for my sis. I AM SUPER ECITED FOR HER, I AM MEETING MY BABY NIECE iN OCTOBER! which is just 2 months away! I am going to be an aunty. Pray everything goes smoothly for her and baby.

As I was folding those tiny clothes I realised how baby Kaelin grown over the past 11 months. and oh by the way she will be turning 1 in 2 weeks time!
I always thought she looks very tiny, somehow like undernourished, I hate how she still able to fit into her clothes she worn back in 6 months ago, but actually she had outgrown many of her tiny socks, mittens and many baby PJs.
I fought back my tears hard while typing this entry, I mean yes I am glad she grown. Soon no longer a baby but a chatty, messy and noisy tod. Of course I am very happy to see her growing healthy, but hell 1 yr is almost past and I felt I haven't spent enough time with her! I haven't played with her enough, haven't kissed and hug her enough, probably because I had to split my attention between her and her brother. I don't wish Kieran to feel neglected after he got a lil sis yet on the other hand I felt very guilty towards Kaelin.

Partly also due to we had a maid now. So naturally she shared my baby care duties almost by half. Before that I was almost on my own taking cbare of Kieran I did all the baby care from A-Z.  I witness his every milestones his every new skills. ut Sometimes I felt upset when I knew I wasn't the first to see my girl milestones or skills, when I thought I was and I happily told them about how she did it and Fifa replied "ya mdm, Kaelin already know to....yesterday I saw." That perhaps only a mother can understand how I feel. Like I always told dearie, if I had a choice and if I am able to handle these 2 lil rascals and housework, I would rather be on my own than to have a helper. Not because she isn't good. Just that I prefer doing things my own with my way. Safer and stronger bond.
Now my girl is sleeping so peacefully and sweetly just beside me... and how I wish time could stop at this very moment..

Updates of my little Kaelin.

She loves playing peek-ka-boo, like she would peep from behind of my the car seat, behind the curtain, walls, under my nursing cover and said "DA!" then she will show us her signature smile.

She isn't walking yet, and she doesn't seems close to it, her legs are still very wobbly, but today I witnessed her pulling herself up and standing up on her own to where I was seating. I was thrilled to see and she smiled at me looking so proud. "Yes baby girl, mommy is so proud of you!"

Kaelin love animals just like us! every time when we are out on the streets she would get so excited when she sees birds, cats, or dogs! like wanting to go down on her knees or feet to get to those animals.

She is very very afraid of loud noises, like hair dryer, blender, drilling works, she would startled and cry and hug me very tightly.

She is a small eater unlike her brother who is always on the hunt for food. She likes to sit on her high chair with us during meal time but she doesn't likes to be fed, she love to eat slowly and of course messily on her own. She prefers noodles to rice. She doesn't have any favourite food yet.

She is possessive and she gets jealous easily whenever she saw me carrying her korkor, or when she sees Kieran home from school she would quickly grab and pulled my hands towards her crying for me to carry her before Kieran gets to me.

She already learnt to clap and she likes to clap when we sing or play her on song on her ipad! she also learnt how to wave, sometimes she will wave goodbye when we prompt her to!

She still nurses as frequently as 3-4 hourly, and we get up 1-2 times in the middle of night to nurse. She now weighs 6+ - 7kg.

2 tooths on top, and 3 on the bottom, another 2 on the bottom coming out soon. showing signs of teething, plus we spotted 2 raised white dot underneath her gums.

Finally, she is still a mommy girl now, I am perfectly alright and I love it, I love how she seeks and cries for me to carry her.

Shall end my post with some pics we took this morning.

took these at Pap national day oberservance ceremony 2013. We left earlier as the Sun was really hot plus Kieran not taking part in the performance hence we find no point staying. We must admit we are a little disappointed that Kieran did not get to perform this year. (the whole of N1 didn't get to) Even dearie kept asking me "are you sure Kieran is not performing?" "should he be sitting with the performers and not the audience seats?" "why isn't he performing?" "What did the teachers said?" bla bla bla..  HAHa!

Alright, shall updates more pics soon. ( hopefully not another 11 months later.)

Monday, January 28, 2013


26th Jan 2012 Saturday

My 2nd entry for 2013! Oh dear i skipped Kieran's bday n Xmas entries! shall post them soon - enough.
Nothing much just a day out with the kiddos, dearier, SY and our new helper Fifa to Chinatown. Impromptu trip. SY was feeling bored and Dearie suggested we go feel the CNY "heat"! Indeed HEAT, almost roasted alive squeezing though our way in the crowd. We swore this is the last time here! (we swore the same thing 2 years ago.)
Nevertheless we had fun. Kieran simply wow-ed at everthing, espeially those pretty lighting of decos even mei mei 's eyes was busy gazing with her head turning around. haha!

 before leaving the house cam whoring with the kids while waiting for dearie to be ready. Kieran is so ready for camera always. Whenever i draw my camera out he will start to kiss me or even Kaelin!

 Year of the Snake! Kieran was so excited when he saw the gigantic snake. He exclaimed "snake, snake, eyes eyes!" i guess he is trying to tell us those eyes are huge! haha. cute boy.

one of my fav pics of the day. =)
Fifa and Kieran. 
Speaking of Fifa, our new helper, though only with us since 14 Jan 2013. We are so thankful to have her, the kids just love her especially Kieran, he could woke up in the middle of the night and cry "aunty, aunty!" seeking her to carry and sleep with her. The changes started right after both babies recovered from a tough week from battling of fever, flu and cough. It started with Kieran, followed by Kaelin and myself, I couldn't thank Fifa enough for her help during that rough week, she was so ready and responsive to their cries especially during midnight, before I could even reach for my walkie talkie, she is right at my door step. 

After Kieran was well, I spent most of my time nursing Kaelin's health, trusting Kieran to Fifa's care. Soon they bond well. Too well that jealousy was all over me. I feel it was because Fifa was like his new playmate whom he can get 101% attention from, he was fond of this kind of undivided attention which I couldn't gave after I had mei mei.  I even weep secretly one night when Kieran rejected me totally and turned to her! I felt guilty that I questioned myself "did I neglected my son? is he angry with me or something?" yes this was how sad I felt. I couldn't believed myself either. 

When I used to hear people complaining how close their kids and the maid are, even closer than the mothers themselves, and they became green eyed monster. I thought this was insanity,"whats there to be jealous of? maid are temporary they cant be close forever!"  I never dreamt this could happened to me! I told dearie about it and he replied, " isn't this what we wanted in the first place?" Then I recalled buying a box of jelly for Fifa to give Kieran on their first day of meeting so as to win Kieran's heart in her favour. Well, Dearie was right, this was exactly what I wanted and one of the main reason why we got a new maid. 
I was such a pain in the a--! when he doesn't like n clicked with  Gloria I complaint. Now i got what i want and yet I complained again! 

After much thoughts I gave up feeling jealous, I am learning to let go, now i see this as a good problem perhaps the change was too sudden and drastic. Everyone who knew us knows how "sticky" Kieran was to me. And they even gave him a nick "ah nian." 
Someone told me this,
when you are a baby, your mom is your best friend,
when you are a toddler, your maid is your best friend,
when you are a teenager, your group are your best friend,
when you are a married, your hubby is your best friend,
when you are a mommy, your baby is your best friend!

So true and yes so sad cause I will always be a mommy my babies will forever be my best friend but I'm not their BFF! *sob*.

I convinced myself that this is just a phase for us, he just found himself a new best friend. I call tell she really loves both of my kids. After all we all benefited.  What's there to lose with another person loving my son? I should Thank God that he gave us someone whom i can trust my son to care and love with. 

27th Jan 2013 Sunday
At this age, Its not about partying, it all about attending weddings, full months, and friend's babies birthday celebrations! 
at Xin yi's second prcious boy full month party. Times flies....both of our second precious!
Baby Jerald with Kaeline.

Happy 1st month Baby J, may you grow strong and healthy and continue to bring joy to your parents's lives.
May God bless Xin yi and her family.
Hope we meet again soon~!


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I Knew I Loved You

  Maybe it's intuition

But some things you just don't question

Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason

Only the sense of completion

And in your eyes, I see
The missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew i loved you before I met you.


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Happy Birthday Dearie.

Its been one of the longest time since my last entry. Tons of pictures in my cameras and my mobile are screaming for my attention to get attentions! Not that i am lazy but simply tired. Still need some time to get those pictures sorted out. 

Meanwhile i just wanna share some pictures taken on daddy Henry 31st birthday! omg he crossed the 30! sound so old.

This year is by far our simplest celebrations. I was kind of overwhelmed by baby kaelin, still in the midst of adapting to caring for two kids. I must really admit i almost missed dearie's birthday. I hope he forgive me for that. I was too busy trying to be one of the best moms in the world, lots to learn and of course trying to be his best wife! wait a second, BEST WIFE?!
 wth am i typing? I am definitely his one and only BEST WIFE!!!

Had simple dinner and simple cake cutting. Enough said. Let the pictures talk. =)

 me with my angel

 haha! look at kieran! as if his birthday. 
 blowing the candle with his daddy. so cute! machiam his birthday cake!!
ok, lets blow the candles together! =P

nothing fanciful, bought him a Mont Blanc key pouch to replace his old one!

I enjoyed that evening very much, spending with my love ones is sure priceless and i could give up anything just to be with them. Really thank God for what i have now. 

Note to my beloved hubby: Happy birthday again dear, sorry for the lousy planning! will be better the next time! anyway you still feel blessed right? to have me and your two beautiful children! ^^,


Thursday, September 27, 2012

Hi, I am 34 days old

It's late but my lil one is still awake, Took this chance to snap a few pictures to relish her charms before she is a little older tomorrow.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A test of my commitment

Finally after a month of confinement, i am almost free from pains to blog. 
But firstly thank you SO much to those who encouraged me and shown care for my breastfeeding issues. I really appreciate it.

Reasons of me not updating frequently is partly due to the overwhelming attention baby Kaelin is demanding from me. From breastfeeding round the clock every 1-3 hourly, 12 hours a day, diaper changing so many times till I lost count. Not to mention soothing her colicky cries for hours. Taking care of a newborn is seriously no joke!!!

After a week of struggling with my perineal wound, comes my feeding woes. I thought I had all the answers about breastfeeding. After all I breastfed Kieran for 18 months.  I left the hospital so confidently.
A week later here I am battling with my breastfeeding woes. So much so that I was traumatised and if I had gone through this episode earlier during Kieran's time perhaps I would have not continued with my second baby. - maybe.
Not that I had the most perfect and painless experience with Kieran but I swear this time round the pain really took me to another level. 

My breast was engorged one afternoon after miss fed for 6 hours. Both me and baby Kaelin was sleeping so soundly and I was obviously dead tired from the previous night of soothing not 1 but 2 crying machines. the engorgement didn't went off till I slept with pain killer.
Woke up at midnight by high fever, shivered like mad, very bad nausea and vomiting. I felt myself almost fainting from the giddiness, couldn't even make my way properly to the toilet.

The next morning hub accompanied me to see the doctor. I was diagnosed with "mastitis" they gave me antibiotics and was massage by one of the nurses to clear the blocked ducts. The nurses was kind enough to massage not using her full strength but it was still painful enough that I clenched my fists and my teeth so tightly with each of her pushes. 

antibiotics and paracetamol.

What is mastitis?

Mastitis is a breast inflammation usually caused by infection. It can happen to any woman, although mastitis is most common during the first 6 months of breast-feeding. It can leave a new mother feeling very tired and run-down. Add the illness to the demands of taking care of a newborn, and many women quit breast-feeding altogether. But you can continue to nurse your baby. In fact, breast-feeding usually helps to clear up infection, and nursing will not harm your baby. Although mastitis can be discouraging and painful..
Mj was kind enough to supply me with her "over stocked" of frozen bm when I was told that I can't feed Kaelin with this antibiotic given, so me and hubby drove down her house that night to collect from her, felt kind of bad to wake her up from sleep in the middle of the night.

Happily I thought I would recover after the massaage and after taking the antibiotics but instead it got worst. The pain intensified each day. 2 days later I was referred to KK hospital A & E. Thanks to my dear fren Maggie who told me how the treatment for mastitis was like in hospital I cried even before the treatment starts!!! 
I was told by her from her friend experience that they used cows and bulls trength to push and massage till the lump and ducts clear, then blood and pus will ooze out of the nipples pores! how scary is this?!

Though I really dread going to the hospital but I felt helpless, plus the pain was really killing me. After examined and confirmed it was mastitis, the lactation consultant massage me AGAIN for an hour! 
This time round much more pain!!! I was at first hopeful that perhaps they would use another method to treat me.
Maggie was right, they really used cows and bulls strength on me but still the lump was there and no signs of blood and pus yet.
Hubby brought me to one of our favourite dim sum at Geylang during our dating days for supper right after the treatment at 3am. I was so hungry but after the treatment the pain totally turns my hunger button off. Couldn't enjoy the food at all but at least that place did brought back many fond memories to soothe my pain a little..

After a week of antibiotics and using the method of massage they taught me, my condition did not improve the slightest bit! in fact it got more swollen, red, and the lump becomes harder.  With all these add the demands from my two babies got me all depressed and moody. I couldn't stop thinking what went wrong, I took my med on time, massage using the same method every 3 hourly, each massage was as if nightmare to me at times I broke into tears while doing it, I was like inflicting pain to myself! 

Imagined the the pain of the wound is like scalded skin with burning sensation and yet I had to forced myself to pressed hard and massage for 20 mins.How can it not get better with all these efforts and sacrificing my much needed sleep?! 

Thankfully I had my mil and my maid to help me out with Kieran during this period, at the same time I really felt guilty that I had neglected him and I miss him sleeping beside me. I totally didn't enjoyed breastfeeding my baby this time round nor well rested during my confinement because I was all worn out anticipating the pain. 

I decided to seek second opinion from another lactation consultant at Mount A hospital. I almost threw the name card away over confidently thinking I wouldn't be calling them anyway.

I was then referred to a breast surgeon there after the consultant seen me. Doctor Yong did an ultrasound scan for me said it had already developed into breast infection with abscess. My previous antibiotics wasn't strong enough for me. The only way was to do a needle aspirations or surgery to remove the abscess and blood out. Of cause I choose needle method. Who in the right mind wants to let the breast go under the knife? unless its for cosmetics reason!

Stronger antibiotics and ointment
The needle was thick and long, I didn't had any anaesthesia. Definitely it was painful when the needle was pierced through my skin. I cried uncontrollably. I think I look like one big baby there. The doctor kept saying sorry to me. I must say he and his assistant was very nice. They were so empathetic to me. The lady stroke my head and tried to calm me down telling me its done, don't worry. 

1st and 2nd needle aspiration. 

Finally the swell subside a bit and with stronger antibiotics given. I felt myself in good hands. I am confident of Dr Yong. Because the affected area is just right below my skin. The swelling burst two days ago which I had been warned of. Bad blood oozed out. going for my 3rd treatment 2 days later.
It looks so bad now revealing the flesh underneath. , but Thank God the pain is much alleviated now.

Almost all my friends who know of my condition persuaded me to give up breastfeeding Kaelin, even Hubby who had been the most supportive asked me to stop too as a short cut to my recovery. Initially I was pretty upset, I thought he understood me the most, and would continued to support and encourage me to nurse myself back. But after much thought I realised he also meant well for me and didn't want to see me go through such pain.

Though I was tempted of taking the short cut cause the pain was almost killing me, but at the back of my head I clearly know what's best for my baby, I kept praying to God, cause only he know what is the best solution. If Dr Yong never advice that I should stop breastfeeding Kaelin, then I will continue to do what I think is right.

 I wish to post those pictures of my gross wounds and my breasts but of cause I couldn't, it would definitely scare those new mummies!
Note to new moms out there: A lesson I learnt. If you ever experience engorgement with redness, pain on your breast and fever, don't wait, go to the hospital immediately, not to normal GPs they are not breast nor lactation specialist, they may gave you wrong advice and prescribed wrong antibiotics.

Now as I look at my wound I wondered if it would leave a scar behind as it was quite big. Anyway I shouldn't be bothered too much about it either. It shall be a reminder to me that I been put through a series of test to prove my commitment to baby Kaelin. 

" ..and many women quit breast-feeding altogether.." 

I can gladly gave myself a pat on my shoulder and said I passed.