A test of my commitment

Finally after a month of confinement, i am almost free from pains to blog. 
But firstly thank you SO much to those who encouraged me and shown care for my breastfeeding issues. I really appreciate it.

Reasons of me not updating frequently is partly due to the overwhelming attention baby Kaelin is demanding from me. From breastfeeding round the clock every 1-3 hourly, 12 hours a day, diaper changing so many times till I lost count. Not to mention soothing her colicky cries for hours. Taking care of a newborn is seriously no joke!!!

After a week of struggling with my perineal wound, comes my feeding woes. I thought I had all the answers about breastfeeding. After all I breastfed Kieran for 18 months.  I left the hospital so confidently.
A week later here I am battling with my breastfeeding woes. So much so that I was traumatised and if I had gone through this episode earlier during Kieran's time perhaps I would have not continued with my second baby. - maybe.
Not that I had the most perfect and painless experience with Kieran but I swear this time round the pain really took me to another level. 

My breast was engorged one afternoon after miss fed for 6 hours. Both me and baby Kaelin was sleeping so soundly and I was obviously dead tired from the previous night of soothing not 1 but 2 crying machines. the engorgement didn't went off till I slept with pain killer.
Woke up at midnight by high fever, shivered like mad, very bad nausea and vomiting. I felt myself almost fainting from the giddiness, couldn't even make my way properly to the toilet.

The next morning hub accompanied me to see the doctor. I was diagnosed with "mastitis" they gave me antibiotics and was massage by one of the nurses to clear the blocked ducts. The nurses was kind enough to massage not using her full strength but it was still painful enough that I clenched my fists and my teeth so tightly with each of her pushes. 

antibiotics and paracetamol.

What is mastitis?

Mastitis is a breast inflammation usually caused by infection. It can happen to any woman, although mastitis is most common during the first 6 months of breast-feeding. It can leave a new mother feeling very tired and run-down. Add the illness to the demands of taking care of a newborn, and many women quit breast-feeding altogether. But you can continue to nurse your baby. In fact, breast-feeding usually helps to clear up infection, and nursing will not harm your baby. Although mastitis can be discouraging and painful..

http://www.webmd.com

Mj was kind enough to supply me with her "over stocked" of frozen bm when I was told that I can't feed Kaelin with this antibiotic given, so me and hubby drove down her house that night to collect from her, felt kind of bad to wake her up from sleep in the middle of the night.

Happily I thought I would recover after the massaage and after taking the antibiotics but instead it got worst. The pain intensified each day. 2 days later I was referred to KK hospital A & E. Thanks to my dear fren Maggie who told me how the treatment for mastitis was like in hospital I cried even before the treatment starts!!! 
I was told by her from her friend experience that they used cows and bulls trength to push and massage till the lump and ducts clear, then blood and pus will ooze out of the nipples pores! how scary is this?!

Though I really dread going to the hospital but I felt helpless, plus the pain was really killing me. After examined and confirmed it was mastitis, the lactation consultant massage me AGAIN for an hour! This time round much more pain!!! I was at first hopeful that perhaps they would use another method to treat me.
Maggie was right, they really used cows and bulls strength on me but still the lump was there and no signs of blood and pus yet.

painkillers

Hubby brought me to one of our favourite dim sum at Geylang during our dating days for supper right after the treatment at 3am. I was so hungry but after the treatment the pain totally turns my hunger button off. Couldn't enjoy the food at all but at least that place did brought back many fond memories to soothe my pain a little..

After a week of antibiotics and using the method of massage they taught me, my condition did not improve the slightest bit! in fact it got more swollen, red, and the lump becomes harder.  With all these add the demands from my two babies got me all depressed and moody. I couldn't stop thinking what went wrong, I took my med on time, massage using the same method every 3 hourly, each massage was as if nightmare to me at times I broke into tears while doing it, I was like inflicting pain to myself! 
Imagined the the pain of the wound is like scalded skin with burning sensation and yet I had to forced myself to pressed hard and massage for 20 mins.How can it not get better with all these efforts and sacrificing my much needed sleep?! 

Thankfully I had my mil and my maid to help me out with Kieran during this period, at the same time I really felt guilty that I had neglected him and I miss him sleeping beside me. I totally didn't enjoyed breastfeeding my baby this time round nor well rested during my confinement because I was all worn out anticipating the pain. 

I decided to seek second opinion from another lactation consultant at Mount A hospital. I almost threw the name card away over confidently thinking I wouldn't be calling them anyway.
I was then referred to a breast surgeon there after the consultant seen me. Doctor Yong did an ultrasound scan for me said it had already developed into breast infection with abscess. My previous antibiotics wasn't strong enough for me. The only way was to do a needle aspirations or surgery to remove the abscess and blood out. Of cause I choose needle method. Who in the right mind wants to let the breast go under the knife? unless its for cosmetics reason!

Stronger antibiotics and ointment

The needle was thick and long, I didn't had any anaesthesia. Definitely it was painful when the needle was pierced through my skin. I cried uncontrollably. I think I look like one big baby there. The doctor kept saying sorry to me. I must say he and his assistant was very nice. They were so empathetic to me. The lady stroke my head and tried to calm me down telling me its done, don't worry. 

1st and 2nd needle aspiration. 

Finally the swell subside a bit and with stronger antibiotics given. I felt myself in good hands. I am confident of Dr Yong. Because the affected area is just right below my skin. The swelling burst two days ago which I had been warned of. Bad blood oozed out. going for my 3rd treatment 2 days later.

It looks so bad now revealing the flesh underneath. , but Thank God the pain is much alleviated now.

Almost all my friends who know of my condition persuaded me to give up breastfeeding Kaelin, even Hubby who had been the most supportive asked me to stop too as a short cut to my recovery. Initially I was pretty upset, I thought he understood me the most, and would continued to support and encourage me to nurse myself back. But after much thought I realised he also meant well for me and didn't want to see me go through such pain.

Though I was tempted of taking the short cut cause the pain was almost killing me, but at the back of my head I clearly know what's best for my baby, I kept praying to God, cause only he know what is the best solution. If Dr Yong never advice that I should stop breastfeeding Kaelin, then I will continue to do what I think is right.

 I wish to post those pictures of my gross wounds and my breasts but of cause I couldn't, it would definitely scare those new mummies!
Note to new moms out there: A lesson I learnt. If you ever experience engorgement with redness, pain on your breast and fever, don't wait, go to the hospital immediately, not to normal GPs they are not breast nor lactation specialist, they may gave you wrong advice and prescribed wrong antibiotics.

Now as I look at my wound I wondered if it would leave a scar behind as it was quite big. Anyway I shouldn't be bothered too much about it either. It shall be a reminder to me that I been put through a series of test to prove my commitment to baby Kaelin. 

" ..and many women quit breast-feeding altogether.." 

I can gladly gave myself a pat on my shoulder and said I passed. 

ade.loves